Shattered Hearts
by Return My Sanity
Summary: Why did you marry me at all, George, when you clearly never got over her? I am not Katie Bell, I'm just Angelina Johnson, your wife. Re-uploaded.


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It hurts all the time. It hurts that even after all these years, she can give you something I can't. The pain is like having your heart squeezed, in an iron vice like grip, and my heart has been in a permanent choke-hold for the past five years.

What does she have that I don't have?

I'll tell you what I don't have. I don't have long, brown hair like her, which you want to run your fingers through. I don't have caramel colored eyes which you want to drown in. I don't smell of flowers which you want to inhale. Simply put - I am not Katie Bell.

I have black untamed hair, which you don't run your fingers through. I have deep brown eyes which you don't want to drown in. I smell of grass that you don't want to inhale. Simply put I am Angelina Johnson, your wife.

I wonder why sometimes. I wonder why you married me when you clearly never got over her. She was your first kiss, your first love, your first everything, and yet somehow you ended up with me . I remember seeing the both of you together and wishing that I and Fred could have what you both had. A love that seemed complete and fulfilling. I did get what I wanted, but not with Fred, I got it with you. It came with a price though.

When both of you broke up, I think the wizarding world was shocked; because you broke up with _her_ for me. Her best friend and the widow of your twin brother. They all judged us, she did not though. She truly believed what you told her, that you had found a soul mate in me. She congratulated me and it broke my heart because she congratulated me with tears in her eyes.

I finally felt I found someone who understood me. But love (I don't know if I can call it that) blinded me. You and I were too similar George and still are. Too bad, we were never meant to be. She balanced you out, and I don't and never will.

It took me a while to realize that though, so caught up was I in loving the ideal of you. We got married and Katie finally moved on. Lee stole her heart. You had a fit of jealousy, but I mistook it as concern. To this day I can not believe how incredibly stupid I was for not reading the signals. It's surprising what you can make yourself believe if you want to.

The ideal of our love crumbled with our marriage. We had our head in the clouds though and stayed there for a while. Ignorance was bliss. It was bliss believing that you loved me and it was bliss for you believing you did not love her; but reality always kicks in sooner or later, doesn't it?

It began with small arguments (doesn't it always) and it then escalated into bigger fights. It reached its limit when you moaned her name when kissing me. _Her_ name when kissing me! I was angry, but then doubt wormed its way in. Was this how she felt? Did you moan my name when you kissed _her_? It hurt George, to know I was where she once was and she was where I once was, albeit unwittingly.

It was then that the castle in the clouds finally collapsed, and I couldn't blame her, because she moved on and you didn't, George. Katie moved onto to Lee. She fell in love with him and fell out of love with you. She was happy after everything. You were not, and you made me unhappy in the process.

Five years later, I am still with you, George, and you are still with me. This marriage is not a marriage anymore. It's just a bond which ties (an unwilling) you to me. Katie's once again become a source of envy for me, George. Because she has what I thought I once had and so desperately want once again – love!

When I look at her and Lee, all I see is happiness. When he holds her close and tells her he loves her. When he has eyes only for her. When he softly presses kisses to her forehead. When he embraces her and vows to never let go. When he looks at her calls her 'my wife'. She looks back and reciprocates because he is her world. The center of her universe, the place you once called your own.

When I look at us, all I see is emptiness. When you hold me close and whisper her name. When you have eyes only for her. When you kiss me and imagine it is her. When you don't embrace me and just walk away. When you look at me and call me 'Angie' and never 'my wife'. I look at you George, willing you to look at me. You look at Katie, willing her to look at you. And Katie looks at Lee, _only_.

This is not fair on me George, it is just not. Doesn't my love count even a little? I would like to think that it does. I would like to think that it's the reason we still remain married. I would like to think that despite it all, you still love me, just a little. So I will wear my rose colored glasses and pretend like everything is okay. Because everyone needs not know that I love **you**, **you** love _her_ and **you** and I are married, right?

But I _do_ know and you do too, and this burden of knowing that there are three in a marriage causes nothing but misery. But you and I sealed our fates when we entered this marriage. Now we will carry this burden. I will love you, you will love her and she will love Lee and the world will continue to revolve as it always did


End file.
